~Sheej~

Black sky streaks rain down, so hard and heavy
I've been here since the wave crashed, and smashed the levy.
Wooden plank underfoot, bare skin to gather splinters
Splash of wave concusses my head, as so many winters.
Strain my eyes to build a finer picture
I'm searching for one last chance in this pitcher.
Knot the rough fray that binds me to this life,
I drag myself into a crouch, waiting in strife.

I wait for the moment.
The waves break to a head,
Lightening strikes like lead.
I wait for the moment.
Count down the milliseconds,
Watching for the one wave that beckons.
I wait for the moment.

I run out in stormy weather,
Holding myself like I'm pushing body together,
Strain a leap from the dock
And push off from land lock.

I've hesitated, and let the moment slip away
My stomach drops, and I feel decay.
I've missed my chance within the storm
I've missed it...
Now the water swarms.

I'm drowning from missed opportunities.

~My version of...~

  You've tattood my soul
Stains of pink and white.
Clouds of emotions,
Shades of bright.

  I see a lit horizon,
And my mouth is pouring out steam.
I'm here again..
Around me bar-stools.
Glass, and friends.
They've made me a hooligan.

  Cherry sour, whiskey sweet lips.
I'll hold your hand, You squeeze my grip.
I'm lost in you tonight.

Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I'm in a repetative motion,

  Your tongue to part my heart,
And your teeth chatter against mine.
I've inhaled your breath.
And your lips like wine.
I've smelled your fear.
And hesitation.
Dipped my cup in the clear,
And revelled in your persperation.
I'm a fiend against your skin,
And carry your body through the bend.
Shatter against me!

  I hate to see you in pain,
But love the look on your face.
I'll give you more than you can ask,
If you'd give me a trace.

Tracing, Traces, Trace upon your thigh,
And trapped by intertwined feet.
Give myself as a staple,
And finally admit defeat.

I have nothing more to say.

~Directional
Worth~

I've been up and down these rows,
Of the same 'ol shit that everyone knows.
But don't take it
for a second.
I've got time to kill
right now.

Flea is just an analogy.
Two cents too
broken
glass.
and curious curios of the past.
And still they barter
for trash
and treasures,
thats forgotten
the past
and the present

I've dutifully asked.
And still no answers.
But still I ask,
to keep me in

sane, without direction.
My life in constant introspection.
I'm a dime
for the table,
and barter
me from a quarter.
My two cents 'til the end.
I've been promised gold, and silver...
But I settle for tin.

I can truely admit now...
I'm a flea market failure.

Ali for Cody (Senses Fail)

I'm giving up all expectations
That I will live a meaningful life
I once was filled with inspiration
That lion heart has lost It's pride
I am not the person that I thought that I would be

I keep tripping over the same steps
The stars aren't beautiful, Advice is never useful
And I still walk the line, Held tight with my regrets
I'd rather die than live like this
I gotta give up giving in

Some people never will go crazy
What horrible lives they must lead
I'm gonna try and paint new scenery
And build a window to help me see
I am not the person that I thought that I would be

I keep tripping over the same steps
The stars aren't beautiful, Advice is never useful
And I still walk the line, Held tight with my regrets
I'd rather die than live like this
I gotta give up giving in

I have got
my eye lids stapled shut
I have failed
But I'm used to it
The past is just that
It's a sunken old ship
There will be moments
I pretend
that I can raise it up
Up out
From the depths

Who the F--k am I kidding?
I was born with the curse of always giving in (Giving in)
Every day is another chance to make peace with myself
But i would rather play dead. (Rather play dead)

Sure it looks easy when It's through borrowed eyes
The hero has a thousand faces, None of them matching mine
F--k the world, F--k the stars, F--k the person you are
But nothing will matter, If I don't give up folding my cards.

I keep tripping over the same steps
The stars aren't beautiful, Advice is never useful
And I still walk the line, Held tight with my regrets
I'd rather die than live like this
I gotta give up giving in.

Untangle You

Dawn breaks like bread,

You've kept me in his stead.

And I, you, in hers.

My eyes are blurry,

dew clings to frabric.

The motion of toil.

I've lost all feeling,

And my muscles coil.

I feel black,

That trace of a smile.

Lost in a heartless heart

Of guilded emotionless bile.

I've lost my way again,

Again I've lost my way.

I've caught you falling.

Slipping, crawling.

Enough!

Grasp the cup I hold,

And before I leave,

Gulp the bold.

Walk away and fake love.

to children,

To those above.

I untangle you from me.

I've slept inside to hide.

And sworn it's happened before.

I've lost all faith.

I untangle you from my heart.

I untangle you from me.

(Half way into the new year and only one post to show for it. I think this site has become the next "poem a year" blog. lol. man I've had a strange year. and I have the feeling it's only going to get more so. Love you all! Hope my poems have sparked something inside each of you)

~Watchers Of The Predictable~

He was a train wreck.
Too busy with life,
Too busy with her.
He had alot to say,
But couldn't find the words.
Intoxicated through his tongue.
Choked, and confused.
Rushed, and worthless...

To say the least.

He'd been touched,
Lost a friend,
Gave a speech,
Switched jobs,
Lost himself along the way,
And cursed the ones he loved.

Steal a ring that was given in time,
And miss a curse that was meant for you.
Cry because he "wasn't the one"...

Forget the love he had,
Forget the times he shared,
And forget everything he did.

Turn your eyes, and blame him.
Spit on his name, and pass out curses among your friends...
A comodity among the blameless.
But God so easy...
Be easy.

And as much as he can't admit it,
He's broken.
Break this!
So predictable.
"He wasn't predictable until now".
He's become predictable now.
So, So very predictable.

NOW WATCH!!....
Never evert your eyes...
Never look away...
As we try to prove what he'll do next.

Now what will he do next?



(It's been over a year since my last post.. And it wasn't even my words.
I've had a fit of a time recently. I've lost alot of things I've been so proud to have. Ever since my grandfather died for some reason I've lost the will to write. And I can't seem to fully get it back. I get so busy with life and meaningless things. and although I have spent over 2-3 months making this last poem, honestly... it sucks when I read it. I can't seem to find what I had 4 years ago. What made it so easy to write poetry that didn't suck. I would love this to be another congrats speech about how well I've been doing, and how I've had this site for so long. but honestly I can't try to fool myself like that. I guess I can say. grats to another year. I'm sorry It's been so late, few, and far between. I hope ya'll (or you.. how ever many people read this site, if any) aren't as dissapointed at this as I am.)

~Blame It On You~

She was a friend of me who soon became the enemy . my heart said
it was meant to be . cold sweats and nightmares of killing her for breaking thee .
vow to be won from corruption of adultery . praying at night these days I'll
ever see through . who knew this gal was out to get me for yams . having
dreams of her scams . professed before I had advanced . delirious kisses of
deception was my justified stance . ignorance in self-contained disobedient hands .
infatuations claimed true in definition of this . female relation contradicted with my
standards for miss . witness the hand of God begin the visions progress . as
vengeance for all my pain grew deep in my flesh . decisions to sever contact
of distraught and distress . no less then fullness tribulated to bless .
found peace and release from the grip of distress . the culprit responsible found
to be the likeness of me . in terms of images I blame this on self . for not protecting
my affections from seductions of Hell . her spell had me bound like bank tellers
and hostages . smell had me fooled like designer female imposture sense .
why does it happen to the best of God's men . we fall from desires of fruit
that's been forbidden . from beginning of time we been blamin' the women .
it ain't their fault that they're fine . we need to wait 'till It's given .

I blame it on you . Take the blame from me . if you were in my shoes . You'd
do the same to me . the repercussions I felt . from the hand that was dealt .
I done used up all my aces but our faces need help .

Feelin' remorse from divorce . Let'n nature take It's ugly course . catapulting two
people in love to insulting . I wish I never met you . baby doll compliance . Join
the concubine . jagged like a porcupine . Alliance . in reliance on self . Searching
for my Keebler elf . in trees on the wrong side of the woods . and that's no good .
dancing earnestly with former spit . swearing up and down that she lagit' .
aint knowing this lighteningbolts and storms about to hit . when I made them vows .
I heard the screams I saw the clouds . made no mind . ignoring all the warning
signs . from top to bottom of my free man . monkeying around day dream believer .
believing in happiness forever . mind was scrappiness from unclever and unclear . temporarily brain-dead sank my teeth in the poison cornbread of a big head .
we were wove in . then we dove in . the water rose above our heads . that's when
The flesh came to life . And the spirit metamorphed to dead . she killed me softer
then a refugee . and made sure what not left of me . bamboozled by my free man .
from united into one . Through a process labeled marriage . until less then half
a man seemed established in a baby carriage . Peering out of struggle .
responsibilities to juggle . I find it funny . pay no matter to scoff about or chuckle .
beneath my stature I'm superman with no terry hatcher . I stand alone this time .
give in the Lord my heart to capture .

I blame it on you . Take the blame from me . if you was in my shoes . You'd do the same to me . the repercussions I felt . from the hand that was dealt . I done used up all my aces . but our faces need help .

~slip out~ (Beck/mongolian chop squad)

I don't know when I changed into such a cold cold hearted guy
I'd like to thaw this frozen, icy, lonely heart of mine
I like being wrapped with warmness more than anything else for sure
I'm gonna make my common days and fill them with laughter and joy
I let myself down by being crueler than I thought I could be
I'm just a loser; learn to care for the soul inside of me
I don't give my heart to no one cause I don't wanna waste my time
I tried to love this loneliness to slip out form where it hides

Sorrow is what I hate but it's growing my sensations
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once
Love is not a word reserved only for a sweet romance
Well, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared to death
And I'm scared to keep from going on my way
Well, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared to death
And I'll tell myself I'm special 'till the end

Recalling my torn, broken, aching heart of these long days
And all the memories I wanted to forget for making waves
Recalling, breaking, aching, crying, making sure I see
That I tak'n all and grin at the future on It's way to me

Sorrow is what I hate but it's growing my sensations
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once
Love is not a word reserved only for a sweet romance
Well, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared to death
And I'm scared to keep from going on my way
Well, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared to death
And I'll tell myself I'm special 'till the end

~BlindSpot~ (by Brandtson)

It's hard to see the sun sometimes
through these eyes.
It's hard to see the truth sometimes
looking through these eyes
But yet I try.

Window sill world of mine.
Maybe sometime
I'll get up and go outside.
Leap of faith.
I could close my eyes and jump.
The hope of someday is safer
and it doesn't hurt as much.

I stand at the edge of the world and I cry.
The rain beating down on my face as I try
to swallow my fear
of failing again
and wait for the clouds to break for the sun.

Do you remember the time
when you said you could see
the worry in my eyes?
You don't know how hard I've tried
to let it go, let it go,
let it all subside.

It all seems so different when I look
Into vour eyes.
It all seems so simple
When I look in from the outside.
Yeah, everything seems fine.
"You know me better than I know myself.
And I trust you more than I trust anyone else."
But promises broken
Are promises made.
At least from what I've seen,
it all fades away.

Do you remember the time
when you said you could see the worry
In my eyes?
You don't know how hard I've tried
To let it go, let it go,
Let it all subside.

Do you remember the time
When you said you could see the worry
In my eyes?
You don't know how hard I've tried
To let it go, let it go,
Let it all subside.

~An Opening For The Closing~

An opening...
An opening for today.
If only for a close and wipe the tears away.
This ceiling eats away at me,
With raised palm.
I'm the one stuck in the fans...
Yet remaining calm.
To hear a song,
If not my favorite it brings me back.
So in these conversations I attain the right to use tact.

Lacked whats back,
Remain the order to these facts.
Yet different, and more.
Stars stream away the time,
That I forget isn't soley mine.
Blind the author, and set him straight.
Wet flicks upon my shoulders,
That chills can't imitate.

These chills...
Oh man these chills I've been amongst this whole time.
Up my back they register to my spine.
Tingling, to stir the butterflies within my gut.
I've been a stranger to these feelings inside this rut.

I fly beneath the people I've hated for so long.
I'd be reapeting myself to tell you how I feel so strong.

Rip away these ceilings above me if I can.
Because It's such a lonely place below my fan.
And these chills won't meet me when I'm here.
Because these chills only meet me when you're near.

(again I have the utmost joy to tell ya'll how proud I am that this is yet another opening poem to a new year! This site has grown. and concidering all the poems I had before, and all the ones I archived when I upgraded this site, and all the ones I've edited through time... This idea sparked by Nick has been one of the largest works of art I've had the pleasure to create. and it keeps growing. although I've come through some hard spots for some reason it keeps growing.
And I'm happy that I've been able to create this... and also happy that although there may be very few... that I have some readers! thanks for taking the time to read my poetry! although it may not mean as much to you... it means the world to me!)

~Behold~

White lines got me awake.
I've tasted the wine but I prefer the cake.
If only for love's sake.

Because I've found the end of dawn.
The sunset for this day.
I've rolled through so many towns...
But something here makes me stay.

If only for awhle,
Show me what could be.
Because I've been pulled down so much...
In dark waters I can't see.

To bloom a rose,
Of sweet love's pose.
Life's been a poser to me.
But the night blots out my misery.
All my past misery.

Because I see your form.
White line free.
So I breath in this moment...
That lasts an eternity.

You assure me.
Move me.
Hold me.
Show me...

That life's been a traitor to me.

I behold you.
In the night,
I behold you.
As you calm my inner fight.
I behold you.

As you give me peace...
I hold you.
As the waters calm,
I taste balm...
And I hold you.

~Reverse Rolls~

Tug a finger to my drug of choice.
Vannila on the bottle.
Wish lies were made as easy.

Seven...
The number of completion.
To hide the passion that I crave.
Because I'm never whole without my other half.
The man I lost so long ago.
To crave the innocence of my past days.
To crave those gut stinging scars of old.

My dreams have become so clear now.
No longer black and green *1.
With colors that show the redness of blood.
The redness of my mistakes...
Wine drenched lips of color.
Beer bludgeoned deeds of another truth to recover.
To uncover.

Uglier things then me have told the truth.
I can't hide from my past.
Or find solace in a lie.
But I've tied my laces.
In hopes no rain would find me on my path.
Yet all this running leaves my insides drenched.

I've stopped my screaming when I wake *2.
And move in closer to you.
All those times when my thoughts catch up to me.
I stifle my shouts...
Because I smell you.
Deep breaths of your shampoo...
That heavenly smell is all over you.

And all this time I fear the simple things I've never told you.
All those things I've made me do.
Can a man stifle his shouts as he self dismembers?
Half a beat to a broken heart...
I fear I'll never find.
Could anyone help me in a quest thats soley mine?

Step to another door thats closed.
Sooner or later all these things you'll expose.
And I fear the more you won't want me.
Bruised, abused, and all but wholy used.
I fear you'll toss me aside.
So I keep myself hidden inside...

And I tug a finger to my drug of choice.
The label of vannila.
But the bottles black as sin.



*1 Refer to "~My Green Dream~" July 2006
*2 Refer to "~What If~" March 2005

~Red Highway/Dead Highway~

The nights getting late.
There... I've said it again.
I head out the gate,
While the cold air sets in.

I'm breathing out smoke.
As I'm driving to the pumps.
5 worth then I'm broke.
And silence is broken by two lumps.

These red roads have claimed alot.
My hopes, my dreams, my tears.
I've seen a few things die.
While traveling these few years.
But these roads hold so much life.
At least for me It's true.
Although the cold cuts like a knife...
Red roads are say'n I'm due.

- Pave my way...
- Pave it black, and pave it true...
- Lay down the paint...
- And cement the markers too...
- Warm up with the sun...
- And when the night time comes...
- I'll be wait'n for that ride home...
- Between her house and mine...
- Oh Those red roads...
- Those dead roads...
- So full of life!...
- So full of life...

Slain With His Kindness

I come with expectant, longing affections
drawn to a fountain, it never runs dry
I'm longing for new bread
I'm craving abundance
fully expecting Your Spirit to pour out and slay me with kindness
Fill my eager cup, I raise it crawling
spilling, stumbling, begging
fill me anew, fill me with Jesus, fill me with wisdom
fill me with love, fill me with Jesus

~My Shame~


I pretend I'm satisfied with this life.
I smile and cover my shame.
But I'm the only one to blame.

I've had my chance.
I've drawn the line.
Only to haze the edges.

Welcome to my shame.

I can't commit to much.
Even the softest of touch.
I've given up on hope.

Today is a symphony to a new start...
That I'll just screw and rip apart.

Welcome to my shame.

(Oh God! I know you didn't promise me crap... but I'm at the end of my rope. I'm struggling here)

~10 Steps Behind You~
That night was ours.
I had you and 6.
On rooftops we danced for hours.
Hair and wind in mix.
You were mine...
For just one night.

Now in the moonlight I can see...
10 steps behind you.
Only close enough to notice how far you've kept me.
Because I'll always be there for you.
But I'll never be there for you.

Summer and winter,
We're two endless seasons.
Hand to splinter,
I can't find any reasons.

To tell you...
How you test my patients.
You're the only one to crawl under my skin.
To hollow out the veins within.
Life blood drain...
You've kept my heart in constant pain.

Tease me with a rubber-band.
I'm yours to cuddle.
And all my words would land...
If you only wouldn't rebuttal.

But you can never take a compliment can you?
*sigh*

Now here I am again...
10 steps behind you.
Only close enough to notice how far you've kept me.
Because I'll always be there for you.
But I'll never be there for you.
God I wish you'd let me be there for you!

(For Jacklyn R.)

~Cigar Relationships~

Man she loves this dating game.
Mainly "cause It's good
To add a little spice to the life she's been through.
And every guy exagerates a tiny little bit
To make his lie sound more real then it really is.
But he can't appear "weak" man...
She wants to hear "meek" man...
She wants to hear how you came up from the streets.
Don't take it as sarcastic.
She can't get enough.
I'm telling you, don't call her bluff if you ain't got the stuff.
Because she really does need it.
She's not even ashamed.
She's got too much reality filling up her brain.
And I'm telling you right now...
She's addicted to this game.
Just pack'n it like a ciggerate,
She'll light it up man!

-Chorus-
It's just like a ciggerate...
It's something that she'll do...
Once in awhile,
But between me and you...
It's just like a ciggerate...
She's not really a fool.
She don't want the truth...
She just wants to be some one's tool.

Let me tell you something that I've realized tonight.
Her dates are more like marlboro light.
They're both telling stories and sound about the same.
Ciggerates say they're really safe...
Her dates claim about the same.
She don't really care if It's the truth,
Even though she frowns.
She doesn't really believe the words,
She just loves the way it sounds.
She's acting like a fool,
While they're lying to her face.
Maybe she is a fool,
Becuase sometimes she buys it anyways.

She's running out to get the next.
This year that makes three.
She'll suck it up to lies, "love", but mainly glee.
The same way she would suck in all those stories
When she breaths
In that little bit of death that supposedly "cancer free".
And everything they say has her twisted up.
And twisted up what she wants...
She can't get enough!
Because even though she knows It's just a big bluff...
She just lights another up...
Man she don't give a Fu**!

-Chorus x2-

~Work In Progress~ (~Ant Farm~)

He's there once again.
Trying to piece together the fragments.
His life is broken glass...
Empty chairs...
Rumaging through ones and "Oh's"...
Trying to make a two.
Trying to make it too.
And these glimpses of beautiful wonderful things,
Startle him in his dreams.
He'd have to scan back years for his innocence.
There's not much light in his twighlight world.
Wouldn't bet a dollar if the sun is real...
Or maybe just phantom memories more beautiful then anything his world could produce.

That deep hole...
Yeah that deep hole...
Old gripping soul casting down that deep hole.
...
It grips the legs and carries the body down to the depths...
While the memories dissapear like sand blown through the streets.
Won't remember having them...
Won't remember the sun.
Won't give a buck to bet It's true.

Dismayed from displays of fitfull days...
But oh Lord,
Still so stubborn!
He'll never give up the dreams he's fought so long to keep.
Cling and claw... you'll lose them all.
While the street accepts bodies that sprawl.
This same old familiar street.
It hold so much of his blood.

Life is a fool to trust so much to this man...
And I'm a fool to know him.
But this isn't the end.
Lord knows this isn't the end.
This man will keep taking and taking these tokens...
Because ant farms were made to be broken.

~Shiloh~

Shiloh.. all you wanted.
Shiloh.. all you needed!
I was surrounded by you in all that I do.
Never again. never again!

My skeletons in my closet.
Decaying human spirit.
I've slain Shiloh to hide my grief...
I've hardened heart.

I can shove it down, and still live...
So why not?
I'll cork it up and throw away the bottle.
Then grab the bottle and down goes my dreams.
I've slain Shiloh to hide emotions.
I'll hide this feather... I'll hide this bare chair.
I'll hide anything if it threatens a glare.

And you don't care.
Hell... you helped me cut his throat.
You've helped me move his body to my closet.
You've helped tear his limbs from his chest,
Just to mail them to your friends.

Surprised? Oh.. you don't remember?
You were there.
And if so... why glare at me when I write this?
Why take the time to see how I'm doing?
How I'm acting?
If I'm behaving maybe?
Do I fit in this cookie cutter world you've been raised in?
Am I another suit and tie with combed hair to bring home to your parents?
Yeah I'll provide a living but listen to your parents... "I'm dangerous!"
"I'm a rebel."
"Watch out for the man with the tattoo and buzzed head dear."
"Chances are he's a Nazi rights activist."
"He carries a gun! what's he planning?"
"No good" they'll suspect.

I've murdered Shiloh!
You were there.
He was our best friend.. remember?
I loved Shiloh. But he couldn't keep his mouth shut could he?
All for naught. I don't blame you...
Although you took the first slice.
Cut away his purity... you cut away his pride!
Now you ask yourself... your mom... your dad... your friend... even me...
"What happened to you Cody?"
Well you see... you never knew me. You never knew this man named Cody,
Because he was hidden in the man you knew as Shiloh.

Shiloh was all you wanted!
Shiloh was all you needed!
Shiloh the man that was wasted!
Shiloh... The man that is now Cody.
Shiloh... The one we murdered to hide our own insecurities.
You will always remember!
We will ALWAYS remember!


(I refer to Shiloh in the poem as the peaceful side to myself. My loving side. The one who always gave with never asking. I've seen there are always two sides to a man... every man. one loving, one hating. With the help of many people, I've killed the one who was loving. And all I seem to have left is this person who hates, and bottles up his emotions. Those emotions meant to be processed by Shiloh. And what gets me the most is I know some of these people (and other) are going to look at this and take apart every freak'n last little tiny itty bitty word and go over and over with it in their heads. but I can save you ALL that trouble by summing up EXACTLY what you were going to say to yourselves after thinking about this poem/letter for so long... let me do that right now...
"Wow... looks like Cody is getting worse and worse. he's changed a lot! and I don't think I like this person he has become. I really hope he settles down soon, and gets back to the same good sweet boy he always was, because right now... he seems down right crazy and wild. that boy needs some God right now."
Now let me give you my opinion... I've lost EVERYTHING I have hoped to gain by being the good person... by always giving and never asking. there is NOTHING God in his infinite mercy and grace will do to make me see this differently. so In reference to what you will say (but I have taken the liberty to say for you instead)
I don't give a damn. And to all those people who have quietly let me down, and forcefully cut my throat... good day)

~The Evaporating Girl~

She has been poured out among them.
The makeup of a woman "unreachable".
A pool of living deeds, and sacrafices,
That make her so beautiful

A million men reach,
But she drips through each finger.
With only her perfume to linger.

She's the evaporating girl.
She could be the one of my dreams.
The woman of transformation.
She's in the air I breath...
Strengthening me.

She is the evaporating woman...
And I seek to net the wind...
To catch my ever changing, rearranging, evaporating woman.