~Last Poem To A "Friend"~
#2

You may think I'm hurt.
As far as you can tell.
But I'm here to say It's over...
And I've learned to take it well.

But you can keep your opinions,
And the two cents you spent so freely.
Because I'd rather not talk to you,
Or ever let you see me.

I don't hate you,
I just don't want your ignorance in my life.
In fact I'm sorry for some of the things I've done,
And I hope you make some one a good wife.

Some times I wonder why I keep releasing you,
And you're boyfriend too.
Maybe because I feel It's the only thing to do.
It's the only thing left to do.

So here's my last poem...
My two cents and a dime.
I think you came into my life at the very worst time.
But I can promise that if you hear me at all...
You will never hear me whine.
I just wanted to write this and tell you...
I'm doing just fine.

Good bye.

~Last Poem To A "Friend"~
#1

Today is going to be a different day,
Because I'm without you now.
Looks without words,
You've nothing to say.
You act as if you wonder how.
I wonder now...

Spirits cling to your skin,
While you keep telling everyone the shape I'm in.
You might as well walk into the very den.
While you crush their hearts of tin.
Should I let you do this to me agian?

I don't hate you,
That's just the shape I'm in.
I don't want to see you,
Because I can't be put in that shape agian.
I'm so sick of being spread thin.
I'm spread so thin.

So if you ever see me,
Don't say "Hello", or "Good day".
I've had some questions,
You've had some questions.
But there's nothing we can say.
Because you've left me speachless with empty floors.
And I've left you speachless with slammed doors.

It's over because of the tounges we couldn't tame
It's over.
Try to forget me,
While I try to forget your name.

~Hypocrite~

Your words are meaningless.
You look for a fight.
It's so very useless,
When you try to make yourself right.

If I misquoted the whole Bible from the top of my head,
Would you make me your king, and heed every word I said?

And I can see through you.
In all your glorified transparent hue.
You anger me.
You anger me.

You can never contain inside what was said.
You're kept awake at night,
Trying to find sleep in your bed.

From nightmares, or thinking, or people.
I don't know.
But from what I can see.
All those hours are useless...
With nothing to show.

So ignore me, and hate me.

Forget your past.

Plan what's next.
And hide behind your community,
Of an ignorant sect.

But don't forget to boast...
While you try to figure out,
Who God forgave the most.

~Phase Of The Unreal~

Phase into the real.
Like 180's on a wheel.
Remember the feel?
The feel of being unreal?
Of course you do...

Phase into the backdrop.
Like Backing into shadows.
Remember what made you stop?
You took it to the top.
Yeah you did...

Phase into my hands.
Wrap around like elastic bands.
Instead through my fingers like sand.
You make me sink on dry land.
I remember this Lie...

You've said it before.
I've heard it from a thousand lips.
I've had it pulled out.
Torn into a thousand rips.
But I don't care anymore.
I don't dare anymore.
Because It's not there anymore.
It's not inside anymore.
And I just don't care for a whore.

I know who you are.
I know where you come from.
I know where you've been.
I know where you're going.
I know why every night you can't seem to shut your eyes.
And every morning you're tired.
I don't know where you sleep. or who with,
But I know you.
I remember you.
I know where you are.
I've been there before.
I know the hole that is eating away at your soul.
I know It's bite.
You do too.
I know you.
I've been in your shoes before.
The ones that leave your feet sore.
I know the sips you take.
I know the stuff you're around.
I know the feelings you feel.
The thoughts you think.
I've been where you are before.
I've been there!
I know you!
I was there once too.
I'm better now.
And now that I see clearly,
The "hole's" shape is rather odd,
Come to find out...
It's shaped like God.

~Back Stabber~

I'm not crazy,
Just a little insane.
I'm gripping life.
But reality is the only thing I can attain.

Made a call...
Heard I bawl...
But I'm glad,
thats why the tears fall.

I'd say you've been there,
And you know what It's like...
Being alone.

But I swear you hadn't been there,
You don't know what It's like...
Being alone.

I'll wonder about your next light switch.
But I swear I'll never even twitch.

Because I'm through with all these soap operas,
And all these plays.
Because now that we're through,
I swear I'll have better days.

Thanks for the ride,
But here's my stop.
Don't follow me...
It's better here without you.

(Grab a Knife... Everyone is doing it)

~Pleasent/Bitter~

Naomi?
no more...
Mara is my name.
Pleasent?
No more...
Bitterness has made me lame.

Requital of my emotions,
Set to bear down the love.
Wrath through a blessing,
Rain from above.

I'm like Solomon in his retribution...
Dreams are my disillusion.

Vapors are my reality.
My reality is but a mist.

(Ruth 1:20)

~I Don't Want You Back~

See I don't
Know why
I liked you so much
I gave you all of my trust.
I told you
I loved you
Now thats all down the drain
You put me through pain
I wanna let you know
How I feel

Screw what I said
It don't mean jack now
Screw the presents
Might as well throw them out
Forget all those kisses
They didn't mean jack
Forget you you skirt
I don't want you back

You thought
You could
Keep this crap from me
You burnt martyer
I heard the story.
You playd me
You even gave him your love
Now you're askin for me back
You're just another hag
Look else where
Because you're done with me.

Screw what I said
It don't mean jack now
Screw the presents
Might as well throw them out
Forget all those kisses
They didn't mean jack
Forget you you skirt
I don't want you back

You questioned
Did I care
You could ask anyone
I even said you were my great one.
Now it's over
But I do admit I'm sad
It hurts real bad
I can't sweat that
'Cause I loved a hoe

Screw what I said
It don't mean jack now
Screw the presents
Might as well throw them out
Forget all those kisses
They didn't mean jack
Forget you you skirt
I don't want you back

(I like the words and tune of this song, but I had to clean it up alot! It's very explicit)

~Closure~

I want to make this just like the first time.
When my love didn't cost a dime.
Before you had to prove you care,
Before all this pain I'd bear,
Before my heart did tear.

I gave you my love without question of why.
But you threw it away and made my eyes cry.
All I wanted to know was why.

I swore I'd have no regrets.
Now It's taking eternity to pay these debts.

Make ends to my life with a sigh.
For you I'd die.
But you've made love a lie.
By and by...
You've made love a lie.

I want to make this just like the first time,
When everything I was,
And should be,
Was without you...
Goodbye.

(I'm sorry Nicholas, It's my favorite of yours. if you don't like it, please just delete it)

~Crushed Linen~

He said "I'm going out to get milk".
But he never came back.
Funny how he was wearing silk.
Now a father is what they lack.

How I wish life was more then plush live'n,
100's, rolex's, and crushed linen.

Has to feed his lust for women.
Now he's grab'n 9's to be buck 10'n.
And his kids will follow suit.
It's easy when It's all you know.
It's in the very root...
Of every seed you could sow.

He said "I'm going out to get milk".
It's funny how he was dressed in silk.
He was dressed in silk.

~Mud Castle~
I close my eyes.
To hide the gray sky.
It's so peacfull inside.
In these Sand walls I abide.
Living in the dune.
Praying you'll come soon.

Between the times I vacation,
On concrete and stable foundation.
Useless sinking in this pit.
Between my teeth is grit.
Between my teeth is grit.

Rain upon me.
Mud Castles from the Sands.
Glorified dirt.
Imprints of long gone hands.
They built me up,
And let me down.
Took away my sunshine,
And made this frown.

Dressed in a gown,
With eye brows raised.
All in my dream...
or maybe my untruthfull daze?
My daydream daze.
My dazedream day...
I suppose I might just wait until I can see it in my gaze.

~Black Bottle~

Inside this jar are things of every shape and fashion.
From love, to beauty, to anger, to passion.
The color and shape has changed over the years.
Making this jar into a black bottle of tears.
Just like your black book.
Take a look,
To find your many switches.
Left like a homeless man in these many ditches.

Inside this jar are things of every shape and fashion.
From Joy, to sorrow, to hate to passion.
The color and shape has changed over the years,
Making this jar into a black bottle of tears.
Used what was took.
Take a look.
Find the many things there.
Removed and some how used,
you start to tear.

Inside this jar are things of every shape and fashion.
From hopeful, to joyful, to pain, to passion.
The color has changed over the years,
Making this jar into a black bottle of tears.
Read me like a book.
Take a look.
Everything you loved inside.
Has been used, and died.

Like I've said... It's dead.
It's dead.
And I can tell you hate it...
I can hear it in your head.

(What "gold" Nick? The strongest thing I have is this anger)

~Used Goods~

I bring you the pieces of my heart.
It's all I have to give.
This is my only conversation piece.

They'd cut your hands
From the pain that drips.
Shattered puzzles without peace.

I bring you the bits of my life.
It's all I have to bring.
This is my only conversation piece.

They'd pucker your lips
From the bitterness within,
That doesn't seem to cease.

I'd bring you these pieces,
They're all I have to give.
I'd give you this life,
It's all I have to live.

There's nothing of Value in me.
No treasure for you to see.
It's so empty.
So empty.

All I have give...
It's this endless life to live.
It's filled with every pain imaginable.
It's filled with every sting tangible.
And more so.
This cross to tow.
My living woe.

So...
I'd bring you these pieces,
They're all I have to give.
I'd even give you my life.
It's all I have to live.

I'd give it all to you...
I'd give all my used and empty self to you.

~Impared Vision~

I wish you could see you through my eyes.
Past the pain thats inside.
Past these tears that you've cried.
Shine on the truth,
shuffled past what's been lied.

What has been given to you in spite,
It never feels right.
All I wish if for 5 seconds of my sight,
To see past these hours of quiet.

This silence could kill.
It makes my head reel,
This thing you can't seem to feel.
And it makes me kneel.
Because I love you as my friend,
For you I'd attend,
And anything to lend.
But this I can't send.

So I'll sit here with you in this silence.
And let go of this violence.
You're my friend.

If only you could see yourself through my eyes.
I can see past these lies.
You could see past these lies.

(To Jacklyn)

~Shattered~

It's shattered from the heat,
Never again to beat.
And the hate that's fueled the fire within,
Grips my shaking hand again.
To be my friend, my chum.
My boo's, my rum.
And these few and fleeting times when I can feel,
Have been left outside for my friend to steal.
It's just what's been dealt to deal.
It's just what makes me kneel.
It's what's taken my heart to kill.

And It's shattered from the cold remains...
Of failing love, and It's bleeding stains.

It's shattered from the heat,
Never again in my chest to beat.
And I can't even feel,
It's like nothing is real.
My mind is torn apart,
Just like my broken and bleeding heart.
And I can't even feel.
It's like nothing is real.

It's shattered from the heat.
Never again to beat.
Never again to beat.

~Dead soldier~

You've brightened my moon.
Lightened my stars,
And strengthened my tune.
But I'm without you.
And my heart gasps.
The mud oozes out,
From these unhardened gaps.
You've sown the flesh,
And I have too.
We've made some mistakes,
But righted a few.
"Time is never enough"
Is all I can say.
I'd ask you to give up,
But you don't love me anyway.

I miss you,
Like every time I breath.
The air comes in strong,
In my tearless crying heaves.
The last time was mistakenly bad,
I'll be the first to apologize for me getting mad.
But in the beginning it was a blessing.
What can I say?
But now I see,
You never loved me anyway.

I loved you.
But now I can't find
Any reason to believe in love.
Am I just blind?
Heartache is old,
And It's changed my way.
I don't worship the ground you walk on,
Or hang on every word you say.
Because well...
You don't love me anyway.
You're not in love with me anyway.

I'd ask you to give up,
But now It's so clear to see...
That you don't love me.
You never did love me.

~Repetitive~
Am I the one to blame for this?
Some how it all ends up the same.
Walking on the water, in sweet bliss.
I never stopped calling his name.
And then I turn to see his hands not there.
sinking I wonder...
Am I to blame for this whole scare?
Do I dare?

Am I to regret these feelings?
Am I to lose what was healing...
once again?
Should I my friend?
Should I my friend?

Will I regret it?
When all these poems, they fade away?
Would I regret it?
When the price of Joy's too much to pay?
Will I regret it?
I just may.
I just may.

Heartache never seems to cease.
My old friend...
My pain has become my peace.
Should it increase?
Should it increase?

And I guess I'm just at a loss.
As to why God wants me to carry another's cross?
Am I to bear this pain alone?
Would my seconds of peace atone?
Or has my life become just a "Koan"?
Have my statements made any sense?
Should I pay my grief with my own penance?
All I ask is that you come like a thief...
Or take this grief.
Take this grief.

I'm shaking like a leaf...
Because you're love is more then I can bear.
More then they're jeers.
More abundant then my tears.
More powerful then my fears.
More painful then what sere's.
My heart's on fire...
Lord draw near.
Lord draw near.

~Bruised Petals~

I'm the man with roses in his pockets,
Bruising with every mile.
Laughing while I walk,
But I'm without a smile.
Heavy burden,
Heavy load,
Heavy times upon this road.
Waste my mind,
Use my heart.
Unstack these peices,
To take me all apart.

And I'm free,
But there's roses in my pockets.
And I'm free,
With hearts bound up like lockets.

Curse these sayings,
And forget these talks.
Although I've needed them
Upon these walks.

I'm traveling upon this road,
But this time isn't my all.
Bruising roses in my pockets,
As petals begin to fall.

~Cost Of Rags~

Slowly falling...
And I'm alone.
Freefalling...
Brought down by your stone.
I'm fearfull about the landing,
I expect nothing less.
Tears on my face,
Turn to my knees,
Crying in Solace.

It's gone!
No matter what I do,
I can't fix me!
No matter what I do,
These chains... They stil bind me.
I'm caught in the middle of paying so much,
Yet receiving so little.
I can hardly remember me,
Traces of what I could be.

Break me, Burn me.
Build me, Mould me.
Father just hold me.

I'm at peace with you...
I'm at peace.

(Father this poem was yours before I even started)

~Rooms Spin, Hearts Of Men~

It was crazy, but I loved it.
Didn't want it to stop,
Didn't want to miss it.
But the years have past,
And so has my feelings.
The thing I remember most?
Your fan on the ceiling.
Was it just me?
Could have sworn it was spinning.
Or maybe thats what I was feeling.
Don't worry I'm still grinning.
Also healing.

I heard what was up.
I'm wondering if It's the same deal.
Because the first would kill.
Casting pearls never seemed so easy.
But maybe this ones different,
Not sleazy.
I've prayed for you,
And I miss you alot.
I know I'll see you sooner or later,
But I'm holding it steady.
Although we were best friends.
I'm just not ready.