~One Smile Is Just Not Good Enough~

Undeserving...
I live my life in shame,
Rubbing two pennies together
Because I'd give up morals for mere fame.

I laugh at the posers and all the fakes.
Turn around, bust my sin,
And ask myself...
Who's really to blame for my mistakes?

And every day I see
I remind myself
Of that person I never wanted to be...
That all too familure "some body else"
I can't help but think that...
Because I misunderstood,
I'm becoming like those I said I never would.
I told them I never would.

I'd give an hour for 8 bucks,
And 3 bucks for a mile,
But God!...
I'd give 1 million dollars,
And my life...
For just one smile.

I wish all I wanted was just one smile.

~Frail~

Convinced of my deception,
I've always been a fool.
I fear this love reaction,
Just like you said I would.

But a rose could never lie,
About the love it brings.
And I could never promise,
To be any of those things.

If I was not so weak...
If I was not so cold...
If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old...
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow,
Depth they'll never find.
Seemed to be some comfort,
In rooms I try to hide.

Exposed beyond the shadows,
Take the cup from me.
Dirt removes my blindness,
And pain becomes my peace.

If I was not so weak...
If I was not so cold...
If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old...
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Frail.

(For the person who holds my morning conversations)
("Frail" by Jars of Clay)

Hymn :Jars Of Clay

1st verse:
Oh refuge of my hardened heart
Oh fast pursuing lover come
As angels dance 'round Your throne
My life by captured fare You own
Not silhouette of trodden faith
Nor death shall not my steps be guide
I'll pirouette upon mine grave
For in Your path I'll run and hide

Chorus:
Oh gaze of love so melt my pride
That I may in Your house but kneel
And in my brokenness to cry
Spring worship unto Thee

2nd verse:
When beauty breaks the spell of pain
The bludgeoned heart shall burst in vain
But not when love be pointed king
And truth shall Thee forever reign

[Chorus]

3rd verse:
Sweet Jesus carry me away
From cold of night, and dust of day
In ragged hour or salt worn eye
Be my desire, my well sprung lye

[Chorus x 2]
Spring worship unto Thee
Spring worship unto Thee

(I've known this song for a long time now... It's been so long since I have sang it though that I couldn't remember the words this morning. but for some reason God brought it to my attention that I needed to sing it. after meddling around for 5 minutes I finnaly got the tune but no words... 10 minutes later I had the chorus, and another 10 brought me the 2nd verse. I couldn't remember the rest until I clocked out and dug up the CD from my truck. After singing this a million and 4 times, the words in the 2nd verse have NEVER impacted me like they have this morning. and I've relized that I have never fully relized the meaning behind the 2nd verse. I can not praise God enough for relizing this. Worship is a beautiful thing!
Praise God!)

~El Niña~

I've paid the price.
Though all I got was lies.
I've paid the price.
To look into these eyes.

I would still you.
If you would let me be with you.
I would still you.
If you would let me see to you.

But all I see is happiness.
My eyes shame away.
You've knocked down every and last defense.
As my heart melts way.

If I took that step,
Would it turn into a fight?
Could I even take that step...
Though try as I might,

Because my hands are shaking so hard,
And my legs feel like paste.
Would this be a happy decision?
Or one to lay waste?

You are the only one my heart melts for!
I would die for you!
You are the only one I can show my weakness to.
I would change my life for you.
My biggest question is...
Could I give you the love your due?
Because you're due so much love.

No one means more to me then you,
You should know...
You've captured my curiosity,
And hold my love in tow.

You've gently held my heart.

~Track~

I have one mind,
And it won't stop thinking of one thought.
I have one mind,
And it won't stop thinking.
Making me sick...
Because I know I'd give up anything for safety.
Just for clarity in one persons life.
Two eyes, strands of hair, and one mind.
And I can't stop thinking.
Between creases digits tap away my thoughts.
In time lightly reddened doors will part...
And everything will spew forth.
Everything I've kept hidden for so long.
And I can't stop thinking.
I can't stop this thinking.

~Winter Sleep~

In winter heads do lay.
In wait for the day of may.
Grace is the thought of life.
Layers exposed to a knife.
Cut me open, Break my skin.
Expose my heart, hard as tin.
Smash it open, Let you in.
Fill this wound, No room for sin.

Winter rains down.
Snow from Heaven.
We're sleeping.
Dreaming.
And lost in our decay.
Another heart left to die,
Before reaching the month of may.
Let me stay. Let me stay.
So that I may.
Even now... I may.

Breath.
Slow.
Winter.
Snow.
laughs,
and Screams.
But the sun brightly gleams

Yellow light upon our face.
Do we squint to shut out this grace?
Yellow light upon our skin.
God save us from the shape we're all in.

~Boxing Rags; Full Of Blood~

How did I get here?
In the lonley you're never near.
I steal these words from another mans lips,
To show that I still know you with these quips.
But you're my stranger.
My empty chair.
The exact reason why I'm here and never there.
Between the feelings of being wanted and never had.
Between the reasons of never wanting... thats too bad.
I can't even write a song without you!
You're my breath, my water, my food to chew.
And I'm lost!
I'm so very lost.
So heres another elementary poem to replace your grace.
Another mixed up rhymn,
To fill this lonley time.
With no trace.
Of you.
No trace of you.

Can we never even aspire to dirty rags for you?
God one more... one more and I'll be lost forever.
Don't let me die with that word on your lips.
Don't let me die with the word "never".

These Boxing rags are full of blood.
Here's my dirty offering to you.
The cost of my life drips from every cotton strand.
The cost I've paid to recieve this brand.
The one that says I'm yours,
And sooner or later I'll be with you.

"Love you get over in two months,
Big love you get over in two years,
And great love,
Well great love... Changes your life."
...
"When great love is rejected something in a man dies."

~Angelica~
-Win a date with Tad Hamilton-

~Hero~

The world is tired of endless stories of sin,
life failing, and ultimately grace.
The world sighs as another man stands at the podium,
Only to profess how he lost face.
Grieve with me...
While we watch our strongest men fall to shame.
Grieve with me...
While we fill our fallen's list with another name.

It's not achievable we say.
It's not achievable, Christ will just have to pay.
And we believe that to this day...
We keep believing it 'till this day.

We need a hero to see.
To show us what we can be.
Remind me, Christ never died to die again.
Remind me, that we actually can be dead to our sin.

But no one can remind me,
Save for a hero... It's true.
No one can remind me.
So I'll be reminding you...

We need a hero,
Who has never dipped his hand in that bowl.
We need a hero.
God knows we need a hero.

(I see everyday, men who profess their sexual sin. And we accept it because God forgave it. I see preachers, pastors, deacons, and friends.
But where are the ones who have never fallen in that area?
Where are our hero's? The ones that show us "yes! It can actually be done!")

My Favorite Quotes

"If time heals all wounds, then there would be no need for God"
~Unknown.

"False accusation comes before supernatural promotion"
~Unknown.

"Safe? who says anything about safe? Course' he isn't safe. But he's good."
~Clives. Staples. Lewis.

"This world is not my home, I am just passing through"
~Unknown.

"They say time heals all wounds, But time is the only thing that won't come soon"
~Cody B.

"On the rock face of life, there is only one rope. You can choose to either let it thump you in the head while the next guy climbs it, Or you can take hold and lift yourself up"
~Cody B.

(And my personal favorite)

"The naked woman's body is a portion of eternity too great for the eye of man"
~William Blake


Now on the last one you may be thinking "umm Cody thats kind of sexually oriented"
But you see I don't mean it in a bad way at all. from the dawn of time when God created man he embodied man in his own image of masculinity, and strength. But when he made woman he embodied her with his beauty, and tenderness. And he saw that both were good.
You see God is two parts... The warrior, and the Lover. As we can read from Joshua, and Song of Solomon.

~Scratch And Rap~

(Chorus:1)
Was I made for this chill?
Made to become Ill?
Was my purpose steal, kill, or blame deal?
Or was I born to teach life,
Break up every meaningless fight.
Each night?
You hear my words right?



(Hook)
Think about it,
Think long and hard.
Every question you had about love, hate, and God.
Life and death.
Maybe your first and your last breath.
Everything you ever controlled to everything you don't have left.

Now...
Think about it.
Harder this time.
Every unspoken word you acting out like a mime.
Every stab in my back.
If I only had a dime for every girl who fronted on me...
Well, the world would be mine.

But from the sun rise, to sun set
All those day's sum
I can't let you change me from the man I'm to become.
I see people run
While I walk through your dirty flood.
But I called out to the Lord and he raised me from the mud.

But just look in my mind frame.
Just look in my mind frame.
Because when the time came.
I couldn't even define pain.




(Chorus:2)
Were you placed here to hurt?
Turn heads in your skirt?
Be an object of desire when you flirt?
Or were you born to teach life,
Even though you never stopped a fight.
Every night.
You hear my words right?




(Hook)
Your words spoken could leave me strong or broken.
You came on too strong.
Maybe I was too soft spoken.
Or maybe I choose words to bring light.
And expose the night.
And stop the fight.

You led me to chasing the wrong thing,
When we were bonding.
I remember the fear, and the pain, and the strain
That you bring.
But as time went by I cried a tear for every lost dream.
Every hope misplaced,
There's a point that traces back to past generation.
Got offered cold shoulders for compensation.

And well I guess I settled.

Visions turned into distant memories.
As you live a life that was never meant to be.
Looking for purpose for yourself.
In turn, It only hurts your health.
Chasing after dreams your identiy deserts you.

A skirt instead of a ladies,
Given the gift of creation...
But your only talent is making babies.
Running after "love".
Young and half crazy.
To only stop after you've fallen
And ask "So why did life play me?"


(Chorus-Mix)

Was I made for this chill?
Made to become Ill?
Is my purpose steal, kill, or even blame deal?
Or was I born to teach life?
Break up every meaningless fight?
Each night?
You hear my words right?

Were you made to hurt?
Turn heads in your skirt?
Be an object of desire when you flirt?
Or were you born to teach life?
Even though you never stopped a fight?
Each night?
You hear my words right?

You hear my words right?

~Expecting Parents~

It's funny sometimes where life does lead us.
And It's funny sometimes how different people need us.
Each and everyone.
Because they're just people looking for someone.
Anyone.

It's funny some times
How the bumps and and impressions in our soul
Cause us to suffer mistakes.
Mistakes we can't even control.

A new life is made with the involvement of two sets of eyes twinkling.
And blessings in different forms are rained down like blood sprinkling.
And no one would ever know, would they?
No... no one ought to know, should they?

Don't let your emotions drip down and cause a life to hurt.
Regret is something less needed then dirt.
Some souls are more sensitive then exboyfriends.
And some hurts can't be easily changed like the winds.

So realize this as a blessing you bought with the price of sin on your head.
But don't regret the child.
Instead regret that you were foolish enough to sleep in his bed.
You've heard what I said.
And I've written what you've read.
Please realize the life you've led.
All the way up until your to the point of being dead.

You see.
I hope God can still turn this around and make a blessing.
And not a matter too utterly pressing.

And why do I even care you may ask?

Well... When you took your toll.
You may have shattered my heart,
But missed my soul.

(For expecting parents, I hope the life you bring in this world will be blessed, And won't let his/her parents past curse his/her life with the same mistakes. That would be such a dissapointment for anyone, and such a shame)

~Sick Lullabye~

My tear dops fall with a rythm,
And never stop beating.
Salty water is my everyday meal,
That I never stop eating.
If only to stop what was started
I'd never stop pleading.
Because It's the same as your heart
That never stops needing.

But this lullabye is what gets me through the day,
Without this lullabye I'd be in Dismay.

So you can listen.
Here I go...
Lullabye one, two, three.
Sing'n lullabye, lullabye,
A Sick lullabye for me.

I've sacraficed so much,
To receive so little.
And you...
You ripped out my heart,
And made love a riddle.

And all I can sing is...
A diddle, diddle, dum, dum, dee.
Lullabye, Lullabye,
A sick lullabye for me.

You say you for pain and misery?
Well Thats not half the things you did to me!
So here I am as you can see.
Sing'n this until you give back my heart to me.

And it goes...

A diddle, diddle, dum, diddle, dee.
Lullabye, lullabye.
A sick lullabye for me.

A diddle, diddle, dum, diddle, doo.
Lullabye, lullabye,
A twisted lullabye from you.

~Weakness~

I try,
Though fail as I might...
To shade this darkness,
From my sight.
With Solitude,
Silence,
And painless death.
The Promise of peace,
Out weights the promise of breath.
So take it from my lungs,
While I heave and fight.
Take my air,
I'm tired of proving to you my might.

Take my lungs,
Take my Streangth,
Take my plight.
I'm so tired of proving my might.
So tired of this lonley night.

~Green Man~

You're the only one who can control me.
The only one who can calm me.
With the hush in your eyes,
My own shame makes me cry.
I'm struggling with myself,
And the pain inside.
Should it hide?
Should I let this hide?

Your glories enough for short hair.
Your smile too much to bear.
And your stare?
I don't dare.
You're a dream so rare.

All the turmoil inside is hushed with just one word.
My mind's blurred,
My heart stirred.
This with just one word!

You're the only one who could control me.
The only one who could calm me,
But do you even know what you are to me?
Do you know what you are to me?

~Is Just A Dream~

"Redemption"...
It's my jail work song,
As I pick the rocks.
If only to pick the chains I hug so tight.

My close, solemn, and contriving friends of redoubt.
They draw so near.
They wisper in my ear.

I can hear every voice.
Thousands of souls.
Extend a reach to take control.
The death grip I've learned to cling and take ahold.

The color's gone.
The smile has faded.
Just like my heart...
I've been so jaded.

I've been fashioned...
Shaped...
And Rubbed Raw.
If you could only have seen what I saw.

That's why I need to tell you
That I can't feel the way I did before.
It's not a possibility.
Not anymore.

...I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

~What If~

Madness calling through the skirmish.
Love and hope, did never furnish.
Mud hits with your next cruel line.
Another hit without even a sign.
For all the days that have been lost,
All the good things still don't cut the cost.
Nights losing my mind in disheartening array.
Carpet so worn out, It's starting to fray.
Waking up screaming, with no comfort in my sleep.
All the secrets said, ones so hard to keep.
Lust made the paths you so heavily walked.
Doors to your heart, barred and locked.
"To the past without delay!" you say.
Never in the present, with will to stay.
Maybe hopes and dreams are true.
But the "what if?" will always stir and stew.
The point that was so close to your grasp.
But hands you turned away...
As you gasp.

(This one is older. The only reason why I am posting it is because I entered it at poetry.com and they told me that they will soon publish it in their annual poetry book. hurray for me! my first published work)

~Tiny Hands~

I've fallen so far,
And I'm broken,
Alone.
I want to be there for you.
I want to show you what love can do.
But how can I take the pain away...
When It's the only thing inside?
How can we sail away...
When we can't even hide?

Never gonna fly.
Oh I just wanna cry.
I just wanna cry.

I want to hold you as mine,
But I've been replaced.
I wish I could tell you all the things that I've faced.
When you look at me,
I wonder what you see.
I wonder what kind of person you'll grow up to be.
And will I grow up to see?
Will you grow up to see?

I want you,
I miss you,
I love you,
It's true.
Ask anything...
And I'll be there for you.
I'll always be there for you.

~Last Poem To A "Friend"~
#2

You may think I'm hurt.
As far as you can tell.
But I'm here to say It's over...
And I've learned to take it well.

But you can keep your opinions,
And the two cents you spent so freely.
Because I'd rather not talk to you,
Or ever let you see me.

I don't hate you,
I just don't want your ignorance in my life.
In fact I'm sorry for some of the things I've done,
And I hope you make some one a good wife.

Some times I wonder why I keep releasing you,
And you're boyfriend too.
Maybe because I feel It's the only thing to do.
It's the only thing left to do.

So here's my last poem...
My two cents and a dime.
I think you came into my life at the very worst time.
But I can promise that if you hear me at all...
You will never hear me whine.
I just wanted to write this and tell you...
I'm doing just fine.

Good bye.

~Last Poem To A "Friend"~
#1

Today is going to be a different day,
Because I'm without you now.
Looks without words,
You've nothing to say.
You act as if you wonder how.
I wonder now...

Spirits cling to your skin,
While you keep telling everyone the shape I'm in.
You might as well walk into the very den.
While you crush their hearts of tin.
Should I let you do this to me agian?

I don't hate you,
That's just the shape I'm in.
I don't want to see you,
Because I can't be put in that shape agian.
I'm so sick of being spread thin.
I'm spread so thin.

So if you ever see me,
Don't say "Hello", or "Good day".
I've had some questions,
You've had some questions.
But there's nothing we can say.
Because you've left me speachless with empty floors.
And I've left you speachless with slammed doors.

It's over because of the tounges we couldn't tame
It's over.
Try to forget me,
While I try to forget your name.

~Hypocrite~

Your words are meaningless.
You look for a fight.
It's so very useless,
When you try to make yourself right.

If I misquoted the whole Bible from the top of my head,
Would you make me your king, and heed every word I said?

And I can see through you.
In all your glorified transparent hue.
You anger me.
You anger me.

You can never contain inside what was said.
You're kept awake at night,
Trying to find sleep in your bed.

From nightmares, or thinking, or people.
I don't know.
But from what I can see.
All those hours are useless...
With nothing to show.

So ignore me, and hate me.

Forget your past.

Plan what's next.
And hide behind your community,
Of an ignorant sect.

But don't forget to boast...
While you try to figure out,
Who God forgave the most.

~Phase Of The Unreal~

Phase into the real.
Like 180's on a wheel.
Remember the feel?
The feel of being unreal?
Of course you do...

Phase into the backdrop.
Like Backing into shadows.
Remember what made you stop?
You took it to the top.
Yeah you did...

Phase into my hands.
Wrap around like elastic bands.
Instead through my fingers like sand.
You make me sink on dry land.
I remember this Lie...

You've said it before.
I've heard it from a thousand lips.
I've had it pulled out.
Torn into a thousand rips.
But I don't care anymore.
I don't dare anymore.
Because It's not there anymore.
It's not inside anymore.
And I just don't care for a whore.

I know who you are.
I know where you come from.
I know where you've been.
I know where you're going.
I know why every night you can't seem to shut your eyes.
And every morning you're tired.
I don't know where you sleep. or who with,
But I know you.
I remember you.
I know where you are.
I've been there before.
I know the hole that is eating away at your soul.
I know It's bite.
You do too.
I know you.
I've been in your shoes before.
The ones that leave your feet sore.
I know the sips you take.
I know the stuff you're around.
I know the feelings you feel.
The thoughts you think.
I've been where you are before.
I've been there!
I know you!
I was there once too.
I'm better now.
And now that I see clearly,
The "hole's" shape is rather odd,
Come to find out...
It's shaped like God.

~Back Stabber~

I'm not crazy,
Just a little insane.
I'm gripping life.
But reality is the only thing I can attain.

Made a call...
Heard I bawl...
But I'm glad,
thats why the tears fall.

I'd say you've been there,
And you know what It's like...
Being alone.

But I swear you hadn't been there,
You don't know what It's like...
Being alone.

I'll wonder about your next light switch.
But I swear I'll never even twitch.

Because I'm through with all these soap operas,
And all these plays.
Because now that we're through,
I swear I'll have better days.

Thanks for the ride,
But here's my stop.
Don't follow me...
It's better here without you.

(Grab a Knife... Everyone is doing it)