~Reverse Rolls~

Tug a finger to my drug of choice.
Vannila on the bottle.
Wish lies were made as easy.

Seven...
The number of completion.
To hide the passion that I crave.
Because I'm never whole without my other half.
The man I lost so long ago.
To crave the innocence of my past days.
To crave those gut stinging scars of old.

My dreams have become so clear now.
No longer black and green *1.
With colors that show the redness of blood.
The redness of my mistakes...
Wine drenched lips of color.
Beer bludgeoned deeds of another truth to recover.
To uncover.

Uglier things then me have told the truth.
I can't hide from my past.
Or find solace in a lie.
But I've tied my laces.
In hopes no rain would find me on my path.
Yet all this running leaves my insides drenched.

I've stopped my screaming when I wake *2.
And move in closer to you.
All those times when my thoughts catch up to me.
I stifle my shouts...
Because I smell you.
Deep breaths of your shampoo...
That heavenly smell is all over you.

And all this time I fear the simple things I've never told you.
All those things I've made me do.
Can a man stifle his shouts as he self dismembers?
Half a beat to a broken heart...
I fear I'll never find.
Could anyone help me in a quest thats soley mine?

Step to another door thats closed.
Sooner or later all these things you'll expose.
And I fear the more you won't want me.
Bruised, abused, and all but wholy used.
I fear you'll toss me aside.
So I keep myself hidden inside...

And I tug a finger to my drug of choice.
The label of vannila.
But the bottles black as sin.



*1 Refer to "~My Green Dream~" July 2006
*2 Refer to "~What If~" March 2005