~Behold~

White lines got me awake.
I've tasted the wine but I prefer the cake.
If only for love's sake.

Because I've found the end of dawn.
The sunset for this day.
I've rolled through so many towns...
But something here makes me stay.

If only for awhle,
Show me what could be.
Because I've been pulled down so much...
In dark waters I can't see.

To bloom a rose,
Of sweet love's pose.
Life's been a poser to me.
But the night blots out my misery.
All my past misery.

Because I see your form.
White line free.
So I breath in this moment...
That lasts an eternity.

You assure me.
Move me.
Hold me.
Show me...

That life's been a traitor to me.

I behold you.
In the night,
I behold you.
As you calm my inner fight.
I behold you.

As you give me peace...
I hold you.
As the waters calm,
I taste balm...
And I hold you.

~Reverse Rolls~

Tug a finger to my drug of choice.
Vannila on the bottle.
Wish lies were made as easy.

Seven...
The number of completion.
To hide the passion that I crave.
Because I'm never whole without my other half.
The man I lost so long ago.
To crave the innocence of my past days.
To crave those gut stinging scars of old.

My dreams have become so clear now.
No longer black and green *1.
With colors that show the redness of blood.
The redness of my mistakes...
Wine drenched lips of color.
Beer bludgeoned deeds of another truth to recover.
To uncover.

Uglier things then me have told the truth.
I can't hide from my past.
Or find solace in a lie.
But I've tied my laces.
In hopes no rain would find me on my path.
Yet all this running leaves my insides drenched.

I've stopped my screaming when I wake *2.
And move in closer to you.
All those times when my thoughts catch up to me.
I stifle my shouts...
Because I smell you.
Deep breaths of your shampoo...
That heavenly smell is all over you.

And all this time I fear the simple things I've never told you.
All those things I've made me do.
Can a man stifle his shouts as he self dismembers?
Half a beat to a broken heart...
I fear I'll never find.
Could anyone help me in a quest thats soley mine?

Step to another door thats closed.
Sooner or later all these things you'll expose.
And I fear the more you won't want me.
Bruised, abused, and all but wholy used.
I fear you'll toss me aside.
So I keep myself hidden inside...

And I tug a finger to my drug of choice.
The label of vannila.
But the bottles black as sin.



*1 Refer to "~My Green Dream~" July 2006
*2 Refer to "~What If~" March 2005

~Red Highway/Dead Highway~

The nights getting late.
There... I've said it again.
I head out the gate,
While the cold air sets in.

I'm breathing out smoke.
As I'm driving to the pumps.
5 worth then I'm broke.
And silence is broken by two lumps.

These red roads have claimed alot.
My hopes, my dreams, my tears.
I've seen a few things die.
While traveling these few years.
But these roads hold so much life.
At least for me It's true.
Although the cold cuts like a knife...
Red roads are say'n I'm due.

- Pave my way...
- Pave it black, and pave it true...
- Lay down the paint...
- And cement the markers too...
- Warm up with the sun...
- And when the night time comes...
- I'll be wait'n for that ride home...
- Between her house and mine...
- Oh Those red roads...
- Those dead roads...
- So full of life!...
- So full of life...

Slain With His Kindness

I come with expectant, longing affections
drawn to a fountain, it never runs dry
I'm longing for new bread
I'm craving abundance
fully expecting Your Spirit to pour out and slay me with kindness
Fill my eager cup, I raise it crawling
spilling, stumbling, begging
fill me anew, fill me with Jesus, fill me with wisdom
fill me with love, fill me with Jesus

~My Shame~


I pretend I'm satisfied with this life.
I smile and cover my shame.
But I'm the only one to blame.

I've had my chance.
I've drawn the line.
Only to haze the edges.

Welcome to my shame.

I can't commit to much.
Even the softest of touch.
I've given up on hope.

Today is a symphony to a new start...
That I'll just screw and rip apart.

Welcome to my shame.

(Oh God! I know you didn't promise me crap... but I'm at the end of my rope. I'm struggling here)

~10 Steps Behind You~
That night was ours.
I had you and 6.
On rooftops we danced for hours.
Hair and wind in mix.
You were mine...
For just one night.

Now in the moonlight I can see...
10 steps behind you.
Only close enough to notice how far you've kept me.
Because I'll always be there for you.
But I'll never be there for you.

Summer and winter,
We're two endless seasons.
Hand to splinter,
I can't find any reasons.

To tell you...
How you test my patients.
You're the only one to crawl under my skin.
To hollow out the veins within.
Life blood drain...
You've kept my heart in constant pain.

Tease me with a rubber-band.
I'm yours to cuddle.
And all my words would land...
If you only wouldn't rebuttal.

But you can never take a compliment can you?
*sigh*

Now here I am again...
10 steps behind you.
Only close enough to notice how far you've kept me.
Because I'll always be there for you.
But I'll never be there for you.
God I wish you'd let me be there for you!

(For Jacklyn R.)

~Cigar Relationships~

Man she loves this dating game.
Mainly "cause It's good
To add a little spice to the life she's been through.
And every guy exagerates a tiny little bit
To make his lie sound more real then it really is.
But he can't appear "weak" man...
She wants to hear "meek" man...
She wants to hear how you came up from the streets.
Don't take it as sarcastic.
She can't get enough.
I'm telling you, don't call her bluff if you ain't got the stuff.
Because she really does need it.
She's not even ashamed.
She's got too much reality filling up her brain.
And I'm telling you right now...
She's addicted to this game.
Just pack'n it like a ciggerate,
She'll light it up man!

-Chorus-
It's just like a ciggerate...
It's something that she'll do...
Once in awhile,
But between me and you...
It's just like a ciggerate...
She's not really a fool.
She don't want the truth...
She just wants to be some one's tool.

Let me tell you something that I've realized tonight.
Her dates are more like marlboro light.
They're both telling stories and sound about the same.
Ciggerates say they're really safe...
Her dates claim about the same.
She don't really care if It's the truth,
Even though she frowns.
She doesn't really believe the words,
She just loves the way it sounds.
She's acting like a fool,
While they're lying to her face.
Maybe she is a fool,
Becuase sometimes she buys it anyways.

She's running out to get the next.
This year that makes three.
She'll suck it up to lies, "love", but mainly glee.
The same way she would suck in all those stories
When she breaths
In that little bit of death that supposedly "cancer free".
And everything they say has her twisted up.
And twisted up what she wants...
She can't get enough!
Because even though she knows It's just a big bluff...
She just lights another up...
Man she don't give a Fu**!

-Chorus x2-

~Work In Progress~ (~Ant Farm~)

He's there once again.
Trying to piece together the fragments.
His life is broken glass...
Empty chairs...
Rumaging through ones and "Oh's"...
Trying to make a two.
Trying to make it too.
And these glimpses of beautiful wonderful things,
Startle him in his dreams.
He'd have to scan back years for his innocence.
There's not much light in his twighlight world.
Wouldn't bet a dollar if the sun is real...
Or maybe just phantom memories more beautiful then anything his world could produce.

That deep hole...
Yeah that deep hole...
Old gripping soul casting down that deep hole.
...
It grips the legs and carries the body down to the depths...
While the memories dissapear like sand blown through the streets.
Won't remember having them...
Won't remember the sun.
Won't give a buck to bet It's true.

Dismayed from displays of fitfull days...
But oh Lord,
Still so stubborn!
He'll never give up the dreams he's fought so long to keep.
Cling and claw... you'll lose them all.
While the street accepts bodies that sprawl.
This same old familiar street.
It hold so much of his blood.

Life is a fool to trust so much to this man...
And I'm a fool to know him.
But this isn't the end.
Lord knows this isn't the end.
This man will keep taking and taking these tokens...
Because ant farms were made to be broken.