~Shiloh~

Shiloh.. all you wanted.
Shiloh.. all you needed!
I was surrounded by you in all that I do.
Never again. never again!

My skeletons in my closet.
Decaying human spirit.
I've slain Shiloh to hide my grief...
I've hardened heart.

I can shove it down, and still live...
So why not?
I'll cork it up and throw away the bottle.
Then grab the bottle and down goes my dreams.
I've slain Shiloh to hide emotions.
I'll hide this feather... I'll hide this bare chair.
I'll hide anything if it threatens a glare.

And you don't care.
Hell... you helped me cut his throat.
You've helped me move his body to my closet.
You've helped tear his limbs from his chest,
Just to mail them to your friends.

Surprised? Oh.. you don't remember?
You were there.
And if so... why glare at me when I write this?
Why take the time to see how I'm doing?
How I'm acting?
If I'm behaving maybe?
Do I fit in this cookie cutter world you've been raised in?
Am I another suit and tie with combed hair to bring home to your parents?
Yeah I'll provide a living but listen to your parents... "I'm dangerous!"
"I'm a rebel."
"Watch out for the man with the tattoo and buzzed head dear."
"Chances are he's a Nazi rights activist."
"He carries a gun! what's he planning?"
"No good" they'll suspect.

I've murdered Shiloh!
You were there.
He was our best friend.. remember?
I loved Shiloh. But he couldn't keep his mouth shut could he?
All for naught. I don't blame you...
Although you took the first slice.
Cut away his purity... you cut away his pride!
Now you ask yourself... your mom... your dad... your friend... even me...
"What happened to you Cody?"
Well you see... you never knew me. You never knew this man named Cody,
Because he was hidden in the man you knew as Shiloh.

Shiloh was all you wanted!
Shiloh was all you needed!
Shiloh the man that was wasted!
Shiloh... The man that is now Cody.
Shiloh... The one we murdered to hide our own insecurities.
You will always remember!
We will ALWAYS remember!


(I refer to Shiloh in the poem as the peaceful side to myself. My loving side. The one who always gave with never asking. I've seen there are always two sides to a man... every man. one loving, one hating. With the help of many people, I've killed the one who was loving. And all I seem to have left is this person who hates, and bottles up his emotions. Those emotions meant to be processed by Shiloh. And what gets me the most is I know some of these people (and other) are going to look at this and take apart every freak'n last little tiny itty bitty word and go over and over with it in their heads. but I can save you ALL that trouble by summing up EXACTLY what you were going to say to yourselves after thinking about this poem/letter for so long... let me do that right now...
"Wow... looks like Cody is getting worse and worse. he's changed a lot! and I don't think I like this person he has become. I really hope he settles down soon, and gets back to the same good sweet boy he always was, because right now... he seems down right crazy and wild. that boy needs some God right now."
Now let me give you my opinion... I've lost EVERYTHING I have hoped to gain by being the good person... by always giving and never asking. there is NOTHING God in his infinite mercy and grace will do to make me see this differently. so In reference to what you will say (but I have taken the liberty to say for you instead)
I don't give a damn. And to all those people who have quietly let me down, and forcefully cut my throat... good day)